Devotional for Bitterness

"That's not fair" is a statement that is not allowed in our house. My husband and I have taught our children not to say it.

Why?

Because life is not fair. It doesn't always play nice. And it doesn't always follow the rules.

And truthfully, the sooner a person comes to understand that, the happier they will be. Because a focus on fairness breeds bitterness.

As a therapist, I work with people who have held on to a situation that was "unfair" for years. And they are struggling in life. They feel slighted and bitter at people and the world. They are unhappy.

Bitterness is the result of disappointment and anger at being treated unfairly. (or perceiving you were treated unfairly) And then holding on to it as resentment.

Bitterness can cause a person to lose joy and love. A person holding onto bitterness sees the world through cynical and negative eyes. It stops them from being the person God wants them to be. At times, bitterness can feel like it has a stronghold on your heart.

In marriage, bitterness looks like:

Keeping score of every hurt (‘You did this in 2017…’)
The silent, cold shoulder that lasts for days
Rehearsing old offenses in your mind instead of releasing them
Punishing your spouse today for something someone else did years ago

And we’ve all carried bitterness—at a parent, a spouse, a friend, a church, or even God. Sometimes the hurt was massive and truly unfair. That doesn’t make you a bad Christian; it makes you wounded. The good news? Jesus was treated more unfairly than anyone, yet He forgave. He understands your pain, and He’s gentle with bitter hearts. His grace is big enough to hold your anger and heal it at the same time.

Healing bitterness in marriage looks like:

Naming the hurt out loud to God and your spouse (‘I’m still bitter about ___’)
Choosing to forgive one specific thing today—even if you don’t feel it yet
Praying blessing over the person who hurt you (even through gritted teeth at first)
Letting Jesus carry the justice so you don’t have to

Take the time to read the below bible scriptures and truly focus on what they are saying to you. Some passages may touch you differently than others. Writing down the verses in your own hand is helpful for some individuals. Possibly looking up the verses in your Bible may be beneficial. I use a NIV bible translation. Or reading them over and over to commit to memory. Whatever method works best for you to experience God's words and feel closer to Him.

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Ephesians 4:31-32

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Hebrews 12:15

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Leviticus 19:17-18

Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

1 John 2:9-11

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.

Genesis 4:3-8

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offerings he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you but you must master it." Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field." And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

Genesis 37:3-4

Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Here's a quick prayer if you can't find the words:

Father, I’m bitter and I’m tired of carrying it. The hurt still feels so unfair. Thank You that You see every wrong done to me—and that Jesus took the ultimate injustice so I don’t have to stay stuck. Soften my heart. Help me release ____ (name the person/offense) to You today. Replace my bitterness with Your peace. Teach me to forgive as I’ve been forgiven. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Try one of these today:

Write down one specific bitterness you’re holding, then pray the prayer above and tear up or burn the paper as a symbol of release.
Tell your spouse (or a safe person), ‘I’m still bitter about ___’ and ask them to pray with you—no debate, just prayer.
Pray one blessing (out loud or silently) for the person you’re bitter toward, even if it’s just ‘Lord, help them.’

I sincerely pray that these verses meet you where you are today and help you to release the bitterness that is placing a stronghold on your heart. Don't let bitterness choke your love of others, yourself, or God!

God bless,

Melissa