Devotional for Anger
Anger can cause a person to hurt relationships, miss out on opportunities, and live a life far from how God wants them to live.
But where does anger come from?
Anger is used as a way to guard our more vulnerable emotions of sadness, anxiety, and embarrassment. It is defensive and protective. It is not “bad,” but it can become a stronghold in our hearts if we don’t understand it or let it grow too big.
The more we attempt to shut off our vulnerable emotions, the more anger bubbles to the surface.
Our anger is what then leads to negative behaviors. The behaviors are then what get us in trouble and lead to regret.
Think back to the last time you got angry. What emotion was actually under the anger? Disappointment? Feeling overwhelmed? Embarrassed by a mistake?
We mask our vulnerable emotions because of past experiences. Maybe someone teased you when you cried. Or a parent told you to suck it up. Possibly, you shared your vulnerable emotions with a trusted person, and they responded differently than you expected. All of those situations become reinforced ideas that vulnerable emotions aren’t appropriate or beneficial to share.
The result is anger. This is true of all people, young and old. The consequence is biting words and hurt feelings. Remorse and a need for apologies.
But we are called for more than that as Christians. We are called to be slow to anger and employ self-control. Again, anger isn’t bad; it’s what we choose to do with it.
And it takes practice, and we have to be willing to address our more vulnerable emotions in more appropriate ways and then learn how to move on from them.
At the same time, we all explode sometimes. That doesn’t make you a failure or a bad Christian—it makes you human. The good news? The same Spirit who gives love, joy, peace, and self-control also gives patience and kindness (Galatians 5:22-23). When your own strength is gone, you can whisper, ‘Holy Spirit, give me Your gentleness right now.’ He will.
In marriage, anger looks like raised voices, silent treatment, sarcasm, or the cold shoulder.
But healing anger in marriage looks like:
- Saying ‘I’m hurt / scared / disappointed’ instead of ‘You always…’ or ‘You never…’
- Pausing the fight to pray together—even if it’s just 30 seconds of awkward silence and ‘Jesus, help us’
- Choosing to believe your spouse’s heart is for you, even when their words or actions sting
- Going to bed with a quick ‘I’m still angry, but I’m not leaving and I love you’ so the sun doesn’t go down on wrath
- Asking ‘What are you really feeling under the anger?’ and actually listening
Take the time to read the scriptures below and truly focus on what they are saying to you. Some passages may touch you differently than others. Writing down the verses in your own hand is helpful for some individuals. Possibly looking up the verses in your Bible may be beneficial. I use a NIV bible translation. Or reading them over and over to commit to memory. Whatever method works best for you to experience God’s words and feel closer to Him.
Proverbs 14:16-17
A wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated.
Proverbs 14:29
A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
James 1:19-20
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 22:24-25
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
Colossians 3:8
but now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these; anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Ephesians 4:26
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Matthew 5:21-22
You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.
James 3:5-6
Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Here's a short prayer for you when you can't find the words:
Father, I’m so angry right now—at my spouse, at the situation, at myself. Show me the hurt or fear I’m guarding with this anger. Forgive me for the harsh words and cold silence. Soften my heart and my voice. Give me courage to say the vulnerable thing instead of the cutting thing. Fill us both with Your patience and peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Try these steps today:
- The next time anger rises, stop and name the softer emotion underneath (hurt, scared, embarrassed, overwhelmed) out loud to God or your spouse.
- Use the phrase ‘I feel ___ because ___’ instead of ‘You always ___’ just once today.
- Before bed tonight, even if you’re still upset, say one kind thing or pray one sentence together.
I sincerely pray that these verses meet you where you are and help you address your anger and heal the vulnerable emotions beneath it.
God bless,
Melissa
